Ellen Degeneres Ruins Lives

Picture this . . .

(Saved by the Bell pink fuzz frames your daydream)

You're 84 years old, and the daughter you have treated like a princess her whole life decides to drop you off in a nursing home in the middle of nowhere.

Your room is about the size of an elevator and the staff only cares about you because they benefit off of the pills you have to take. Luckily for you they blind you from the rest of the world.

It frightens you to wake up where you are with no friends, family or pets. Would it have hurt so bad to let you bring your cat. The only thing you look forward to is walking in to the commons area and having jello with Verna.

It is nice to have lunch with her and watch the Ellen Degeneres Show. But BAM! You become a lesbian. Just like most women in old folks homes.

(back to reality)

DO NOT SEND YOUR PARENTS TO OLD FOLKS HOMES. YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO FRIENDS AND RELATIVES THAT NOT ONLY DID YOU FORSAKE YOUR PARENT IN TO TORTURE BY TAKING AWAY HER FREEDOM. BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO THEM THAT SHE IS A LESBIAN BECAUSE OF IT. IF SHE WAS AT HOME SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN JUST AS HAPPY WATCHING MATLOCK.

(JUST TO MAKE THINGS CLEAR LESBIAN GRANDMAS ARE NICE. AND IF THAT IS THEIR CHOICE, WURD UP GRANNIES. WURD UP)

(AND LASTLY, LESBIANS ARE TYPICALLY WONDERFUL IN MY BOOK. AND TO MAKE THINGS CLEARER, IF MULLETS DON'T WORK FOR MEN, THEY CERTAINLY DON'T WORK FOR WOMEN. AND THANKS FOR BEING ON OUR CO-ED SOFTBALL TEAMS. STRAIGHT CHICKS ALWAYS HIT IN TO DOUBLES.)