My Mom

Reads my blog. Why? Because she's loved hearing me talk shit and speak out of my ass for years. She read a blog I wrote about how she used to annoy me when she would answer the phone and talk loud as hell while the rest of us in the room were trying to listen to something more interesting than her talk to her her friends about whose bed whose boots have been under.

Then she demanded I mention some nice things about her, so my "followers" don't think she is a lunatic. So to adhere to her (and somehow make her seem more sane, which by this very articles purpose makes her seem Mary Todd Lincoln crazy. So here we go, some nice things about the mother of the foul-mouthed Cory Helie.

She once bought me a Doctor's Kit when I was a kid. Though it had to be painfully obvious I would never be a doctor. That would be like buying a little girl a United States President Kit. There's just not a lot of point to it.

She paid for years and years of Catholic school for my brothers and I. By doing this, she really sent me to a school to teach me how to argue against religion and drive people crazy. Either way you see it, the Bible is something I learned whether for good or bad. And thanks to her sending me there, I have made Theology teachers cry and can beat about anyone's ass in Bible trivia.

Though this list could go on for pages, I will leave you with one more example, because after all this is the weekend and I could use the break. My mother has this understanding quality which not many mothers probably have. Most parents would say that no matter what their kids say or do they will love them. However, a lot of disturbing things have come out of my mouth in front of my mom, and it has to be a pretty cool thing when you can say "rug muncher" in front of your mom.

I know you're supposed to respect your mother and father, and in ways repay them for raising you the right way. Well, one way I repay my parents is by honoring them in a way many don't. The Bible says honor your mother and father. Well, there's no better way of honoring them than to make them a friend. For friends are the people in life you choose, and family are the people you hope still love you when your Principal tells them . . .

Do you know Cory asked his religion teacher "if Jesus had low self-esteem would he be an atheist for not believing in himself?"